Upon the arrival of dear friends, I had a great time last night. This is not to say that I didn't have a splendid time with my lady friend beforehand. First we watched a video called The Secrets of Mormonism. Supposedly, they believe that the god's are getting it like porn stars, sent their offspring to earth, and we're supposed to get it like porn stars here. I'm honestly not really down with that. Thats just my personal preference though. I would like to settle down with one woman and would be content to lie with her for the rest of my days. So the polygamy thing is out. Statistics used in the video claimed that the divorce rate in Utah is through the roof. Obviously something must not be right there.
But seriously folks, what I'm really interested in is blood atonement. Ho-ly shit. If you commit an unforgivable sin that God can't forgive, you have to give your blood. You do NOT have to give your consent for this to happen. They have their own mafia style hits. Wicked wild. In the documentary, a former Mormon lady was interviewed. She told of how she married her husband and they did not partake in polygamy and had an amazing relationship. She then informed the viewers of how he was taken from her by blood atonement. Her half-brothers came in and shot him up right in front of her. There were 2 others slayings within that family in the same day. So she told us this, and of course the obvious happened: she was killed 1 week after the interview.
I am going to make my own religion. I think I'll name it the "Whatevs." I can see it now. "Hey Ryan, Steve thinks this about this and stuff." "Cool man, whatevs. You got any steak?"
Uptight does not even begin to describe Mormonism. No caffeine, tobacco, porn...well I guess you don't need porn when you're sleeping with 15 women. They have their rules just like everyone else though. I mean, Christians are encouraged to beg forgiveness for their "sins" daily, but have they killed before? Oh yes. Cleansing of the wickedness of man by cleansing the man of himself...oh yes. Punishing the sins of others by waging war, then using the old testament to back it up. Because the Bible CLEARLY states that war is blessed by God. That was a joke. First, what does the Bible clearly say? Second, are you God? No? Then how in the hell do you known what he wants or approves of? Oh you read the Bible? Great cycle.
So, Christians aren't much different than other extremist religions....then again, what religion isn't extreme? So Muslims kills Americans...so do Christians. I mean, its not like we actually have a death penalty for the sins we deem unforgivable. Its not like good people are pushed away by the church everyday, left feeling judged, cast out, and damned. I would use the word hypocritical, but that word has been tainted by the preachers, so I will not touch it.
Thanks for reading if you do, feel free to use blood atonement for my heresy.
Seriously I'll probably have been whacked in about a week.
Wait. Am I telling you that there are people right here in America that view people as sinners only graced by blood atonement, and that would kill us because we do not believe the same? Are you telling me that there is such an occult following here that could do major damage here in the states with all of the economic shares that they hold and the bicycle gangs? Hell yes I am. You want potential terrorists? Look no further than Utah.
I don't care one way or another. I'm not out to hate on Mormons. I don't give a damn what you believe or what you do because of it. I guess if I believed in anything enough, I would be a little more extreme, but I'm too tired to run that kind of race anymore. I think I actually had a crush on a Mormon girl one time. Whatevs.
EDIT
Ok. Just in case this gets out of hand, many of the things that I said in this were complete sarcasm. I in no way discriminate against Mormons. Everybody believes whatever they want and that is fine with me. I am no one to judge. If you don't vote, don't complain. If you don't believe, keep your criticism for things you actually know about.
cool.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Somebody pray: I work on Sundays.
Today I was working down at the farm when a nice sized slew of customers drove in to buy roses. I was working between cutting grass and installing a drip-irrigation system when I saw a 50-something woman wandering aimlessly through the greenhouses. I approached her and asked if she needed help finding anything or had any questions. She would turn out to be a muse for a blog, and a very strange person.
Have you ever been in a situation where you knew you were better off keeping your mouth shut, and did so with a smile and a lie? If you have, then you will understand completely my situation today. Lots of people ask me, when they come to the rose farm, if I have any goals or if landscaping and farming is what I want to do with my life. So I'm looked down upon already and I have decided that opening my mouth (if you know me at all) will probably make matters worse. Therefore, I sit and take it, to be frank. Does it bother me that I get questions like that? No, because I actually am enjoying what I do, and am damn proud to be busting my ass pulling 12 hour days because someone needs my help. I have found that my response to things is, at times, very offensive, elitist, and black-hearted. Whoops. Today, a woman asked me this question and I replied by telling her a little bit of my story. This was the beginning of my "grin and bare it" afternoon. I told her that I had been enrolled in college, and that I stopped going to pursue a performing arts endeavor in South Africa. She immediately asked if it was "missions based." I responded by telling her that I was on no mission to do anything except for living. She then inquired as to the purpose of the 13th Floor ministry. I informed her that we did productions geared toward relevant issues in today's culture and society. "Well it was geared towards the youth, I assume," she replied. I tried to explain to her that when dealing with any kind of message, anyone can get something out of anything "based on the context of the message and what they derive from it. People can take the meanings of things based on their situation and apply them accordingly. Basically, one can make anything apply to themselves somehow, and can sometimes make things that weren't necessarily saying something, say something to them." I also mentioned some contextual criticism and how things that were mentioned in biblical text aren't exactly literal for us and we should take things and apply them in new ways. "Well, unfortunately some people actually do that," she said. Instead of my jaw dropping, I wired it shut. I told her of the downfall of the team and she proposed that it was God planting a seed in me. Honestly, it was all I could do not to make some crack about immaculate conception, or Jehovah getting me knocked up. She told me about "seeds" that God planted in her when she was "my age" and how they are just now being cultivated in her soul. A) What the hell? Cultivated in her soul? If you want Christianity to work, don't scare people off. Please leave your stupid ass metaphors at home. Again, really wanted to ask her if I could have whatever she was on. B) Not everything works out for some awesome, divine, life-changing reason, and thats ok. Just live and let live.
When someone is set in their ways, to the point where you would think they were actually screwing Jesus, I will keep my mouth shut. When someone is lost and looking for anything at all, I will keep my mouth shut. When someone is lukewarm, I will not spit them out. My mouth will have been closed the whole time, and I will not have had the opportunity to put them in my mouth (gross anyway).
Ok, so the funny and strange part. She finally asked for my name and told me that I was a very pleasant young man to converse with. This is probably because I did not voice my true (nor any) opinion on anything that we discussed and was quiet as a child should be. I went on my way to cut some more grass, and as she was driving out of the farm, she parked right outside the gate. I sincerely hoped she wasn't going to try to talk to me because I was very busy listening to my devil music and massacring grass. I quickly turned my back and started sinning in the other direction (I was working on a Sunday, dragging a Marlboro, and listening to music that said 'shit' and 'damn'). Out of the corner on my eye, I saw a flash. She was actually Jesus! Yay, guilty church story ending! No. She was taking pictures. Not of the roses or barns or cars going by, but of me. She was taking lots of pictures. I left the grass un-mowed and got out of there as soon as I could. I turned one last time to see if she was gone. Her face still stuck to her camera: Her camera still stuck on me. Evidently, she is in a painting group. They paint portraits and real-life stuff.
So, with me keeping my mouth shut, she will probably paint me cutting grass for Jesus, with a divine aura surrounding me. Perhaps, she will paint Jesus walking beside me, stopping traffic as I mow the roadsides. Best case scenario: A canvas with me cutting grass in the nude goes on eBay for 20 bucks.
Have you ever been in a situation where you knew you were better off keeping your mouth shut, and did so with a smile and a lie? If you have, then you will understand completely my situation today. Lots of people ask me, when they come to the rose farm, if I have any goals or if landscaping and farming is what I want to do with my life. So I'm looked down upon already and I have decided that opening my mouth (if you know me at all) will probably make matters worse. Therefore, I sit and take it, to be frank. Does it bother me that I get questions like that? No, because I actually am enjoying what I do, and am damn proud to be busting my ass pulling 12 hour days because someone needs my help. I have found that my response to things is, at times, very offensive, elitist, and black-hearted. Whoops. Today, a woman asked me this question and I replied by telling her a little bit of my story. This was the beginning of my "grin and bare it" afternoon. I told her that I had been enrolled in college, and that I stopped going to pursue a performing arts endeavor in South Africa. She immediately asked if it was "missions based." I responded by telling her that I was on no mission to do anything except for living. She then inquired as to the purpose of the 13th Floor ministry. I informed her that we did productions geared toward relevant issues in today's culture and society. "Well it was geared towards the youth, I assume," she replied. I tried to explain to her that when dealing with any kind of message, anyone can get something out of anything "based on the context of the message and what they derive from it. People can take the meanings of things based on their situation and apply them accordingly. Basically, one can make anything apply to themselves somehow, and can sometimes make things that weren't necessarily saying something, say something to them." I also mentioned some contextual criticism and how things that were mentioned in biblical text aren't exactly literal for us and we should take things and apply them in new ways. "Well, unfortunately some people actually do that," she said. Instead of my jaw dropping, I wired it shut. I told her of the downfall of the team and she proposed that it was God planting a seed in me. Honestly, it was all I could do not to make some crack about immaculate conception, or Jehovah getting me knocked up. She told me about "seeds" that God planted in her when she was "my age" and how they are just now being cultivated in her soul. A) What the hell? Cultivated in her soul? If you want Christianity to work, don't scare people off. Please leave your stupid ass metaphors at home. Again, really wanted to ask her if I could have whatever she was on. B) Not everything works out for some awesome, divine, life-changing reason, and thats ok. Just live and let live.
When someone is set in their ways, to the point where you would think they were actually screwing Jesus, I will keep my mouth shut. When someone is lost and looking for anything at all, I will keep my mouth shut. When someone is lukewarm, I will not spit them out. My mouth will have been closed the whole time, and I will not have had the opportunity to put them in my mouth (gross anyway).
Ok, so the funny and strange part. She finally asked for my name and told me that I was a very pleasant young man to converse with. This is probably because I did not voice my true (nor any) opinion on anything that we discussed and was quiet as a child should be. I went on my way to cut some more grass, and as she was driving out of the farm, she parked right outside the gate. I sincerely hoped she wasn't going to try to talk to me because I was very busy listening to my devil music and massacring grass. I quickly turned my back and started sinning in the other direction (I was working on a Sunday, dragging a Marlboro, and listening to music that said 'shit' and 'damn'). Out of the corner on my eye, I saw a flash. She was actually Jesus! Yay, guilty church story ending! No. She was taking pictures. Not of the roses or barns or cars going by, but of me. She was taking lots of pictures. I left the grass un-mowed and got out of there as soon as I could. I turned one last time to see if she was gone. Her face still stuck to her camera: Her camera still stuck on me. Evidently, she is in a painting group. They paint portraits and real-life stuff.
So, with me keeping my mouth shut, she will probably paint me cutting grass for Jesus, with a divine aura surrounding me. Perhaps, she will paint Jesus walking beside me, stopping traffic as I mow the roadsides. Best case scenario: A canvas with me cutting grass in the nude goes on eBay for 20 bucks.
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