Week Over

The third week of camp here in the land of Dixie is over. Every Friday when camp ends, an eerie feeling of loneliness and nothingness sets in. Perhaps this only happens for me because I'm usually here after everyone leaves for the following weekend. There is a community here during the 4 weeks that our camp is in session. I had an elaborate explanation of how the church was supposed to be this way and how it has failed and blah blah blah but if you're reading this, then you already know and there is no point in me telling you about it. This past week we did a cardboard testimony thing at camp. I was not a counselor this year. I played drums. So I wrote on this piece of cardboard. The front said "Hope for Anything." The back said "Strength and Courage for Reform." However this is not true. Well, in part it is. I have the strength and the courage to run this race, but no hope nor faith that anything will ever happen. The front is what you were or whatever, and the back is supposed to be what God did. Here is a little insight into me. God hasn't done shit for me. As far back as I can remember I've been waiting on God to do something. I've been led blindly and have followed in faith for years, but have recently given up. God makes sense as man's explanation for existence and purpose, and while he serves as a great vice for people getting their lives on track, he just doesn't cut it. I'm not decisive enough to become an atheist, because quite frankly, I don't give a shit whether the existence of deities is true or not. Does it really matter? I don't think so. God is unnecessary. God is an excuse. God is a reason. Nothing more. I do what I can to help people out, try to take care of myself, then die. How many people will honestly give a damn about what happens after they die? Zero is the correct answer. You'll be dead. End of story. There is a heaven? Cool, sucks I missed out, guess I chill in hell, or if this guy's grace is as sufficient as they say, I'll be whisked away to heaven with everyone else. There is no heaven? Oh well, I'm dead anyway. Too many times God is used as an excuse for being good or doing good things. Shut the hell up and do that stuff anyway. I'm sorry for any reader who thinks this doesn't sound scholarly or smart. Fuck off. I'm just here to say what no one else will. I'm not out to bore people with rhetoric and trendy clothes. I'm here to give hope to the people who need, and to piss off the people who need it. I'm not here to censor myself, nor censor you. I'm not out to impress the cutting edge emergents, nor to support any cause. I'm just here to give my own insight into life and the events that take place before we die.