Missing the Point

I am still in Ethics. We are discussion Biblical justification in sexuality. Using literal interpretation, with no room for outside thinking, all things created by God are good. Therefore, sex is good because it was created by God. In an attempt to challenge my classmates to think outside the mother fucking cube, I tried something fun. I tried to compare cocaine use to sex. My point was not to try to justify the use of cocaine or other recreational drugs, however I do believe my attempt failed. Some kid just turned around and asked "Do you really think that marijuana and cocaine were around when God created the earth? Come on man." I chose not to answer him, not because I was defeated, but I saw that my point was lost. Literal translation without rational thought is deadly. I just found it humorous that I was actually asked that question. This crushes my hope for others.

I Contradict Here

Just now in Christian Ethics, a juxtaposing of imperative and indicative statements in the teaching of Paul was proposed. I don't disagree with this. The example in our text goes like this: You are Christian (indicative); now act like one (imperative). This is where I find a problem. I would also have a problem with this statement: You are a man; now act like one. The problem is the word "act." This does not sit well with me. There is a huge difference between acting and being. It reminds me of a bumper sticker that reads "Jesus is coming: Look busy." Yeah, its cute, whatever. There is a huge problem here. This should not be something just cast aside as a misrepresented meaning. I don't think it is. There is no point in acting like something if you are not truly being it. If you are a man, then you are a man. That is your being. There are primary and secondary roles and all that jazz on the side, but I will stick to the point. Reader, just know that I do understand different roles and that being a "man" is just a part of the whole being of one's self. If one must act like he/she is something, then the indicative statement is nullified. Plus, if I were to act like a Christian, in the typical and general sense, then I would be full of self-righteousness and evangelical bullshit. I am a Christian, based on the fact that I follow the teachings and life of the historical Jesus because I do believe that no better example of how I would like to live my life has been set. I am a man, therefore I have no need to act like a man. A true man, will have no need to act like a man, only to be a man. I am not trying to be sexist, I am merely pointing out a migration into adulthood from adolescence and teen years. A child can act like a man, but is not a man. A Christian can act like a Christian, but completely miss the sound ideals and passions that raw Christianity would encourage and merely focus on the themes of what Christianity has become. A girl becomes a woman, just as a boy becomes a man. In contrast, age does not define man or womanhood. I have met quite a few children that not only act like adults: they are. However, if there are adults that act like adults, would that also mean that these "adults" are truly just children acting like adults? Some may pass this wording off and tell me that I am missing the point, but I say that words are something that one can never be too careful with and that there is faulty thinking in this command by Paul. We as humans should not have to live or act like anything other than what we are. There is a journey for most to find their "true self." I never had to walk that path very long. I have always been comfortable with who I am. I will admit that there were times I wished I was more like someone else or fit in a little differently. I am not so ignorant that I will not say that there were times of wishing things were a bit different, but I have always been happy with who I am. I am a man. I do not act like one, because I have no need to. I am a Christian. I do not act like one, because I have no need to. If you can follow along with what I'm saying, provide a little feed back. I'm trying to be nicer. I have had quite the reality check recently and am trying to reflect what I have learned as of late in my writing.

I ain't standin' up for nothin'.

As I lie in bed after a good day gone bad, I am forced to consider the meaning of moral actions. I can safely say that Buddhism is worth shit, because there is no such thing as karma. I can also say that Christ must dead, because his mission is failing miserably. When did it become the goal of many Christians surrounding me to make someone's life hell? Perhaps it is a subconscious thing, or maybe they all got together and decided on the matter. As of late, I have seen no reward for good moral conduct. I also understand that moral actions for the sake of reward are in essence fake. However, sound ethical conduct does have consequences without hope for reward. The consequences as of late, are not good ones. I am punished for the good things that I do. Yet if I didn't do these things, the outcomes would still be the same. Honesty is a big thing for me. I pride myself in being honest, and if you actually read this then you must obviously know my use of this truthfulness. Perhaps I am wrong, but isn't a core value of Christianity supposed to be helping and caring for others? I do not believe that gossip and slander are including in the required action booklet. However, they have found their way into the high school that is Campbell University. I am a hated man. I am a disliked man. I am a rumored man. What have I done to deserve this? The answer is nothing. I am completely confident in stating that. What have the Campbell Christians done to cause this? That answer is everything. There can be no more hypocritical of a place than my academic institution. Don't throw the "everyone isn't perfect all the time" card in the game either. One is always in control of his/her actions. Always. There is a choice to make. I know of many people that have recently made the wrong choice. Heed my words with warning if you fall into this category: I will not do anything at all. Did you think I would say something along the lines of "I will come for you and beat your ass in?" Without the maturity I have gained in the past year, that would've been my response. However, I have a choice. I choose to withdraw from the society that beats me down. My hate does not flourish under my circumstances. The only thing that grows in me now is fear. I am scared to walk out of my front door, for fear of my heartache and pain. I do not know who has done this to me, but they did it well. I am not a very fearful person. However, the fact that an anonymous person who does not know me at all can ruin a newfound happiness and excitement of which I have never felt before, scares me. You will not see me around. I will attend my classes, and I will come home. I will continue my sojourn through life being hated and alone because of you people. I will not know love again for quite some time, because of the sheer lack of love from others. I hope that the happiness I felt for a short time is now felt by you, oh antagonist, because you won. You beat me. My heart is weak and tired from you. Oh you, follower of Christ, have broken me. Are you satisfied? Are you surely now in the presence of God? Are you loved and cherished now for your actions? Are you revered by yourself for the destruction of someone else? I hope you are, so that someone will gain something other than pain from this. I hope your life is without worry or pain. I hope that your find yourself fulfilled. I hope that through sacfricing me, you can find peace that is unending. I hope your ministry flourishes as it does now. I have left this sarcasm and bitterness behind. I am sincere and literal. I hope you carry happiness with you for the rest of your days.

Goodbye.

I have a label

Well, I probably have many labels, but the most recent self-proclaimed one is De-constructifier.

I like it.

So, my father dearest is back in the game over at Third Cigar Today. You need to check that out. Dude is smart.

I've got some new music over at www.myspace.com/youngbloodheart.

Check it out and let me know what you think.

Rock Steady

Saturday nights are good for me. I usually try to make it out to May's for some pickin' time. This past week, I took someone with me. I figured it would be rude for me to play and leave my friend sitting there alone, so I sat out in the crowd and just enjoyed the music. It occurred to me, that I feel weird just watching music happen. I have always been on the other side. While I have never played a show by myself with my own music, I have played in bands and what not since I was about 12 years old. I guess I don't feel weird, so much as I felt displaced. This was until I realized that I was in really good company and that I really enjoyed just kickin' back and listening. I think that too often I try to gain a feeling of control in some situations and suppose I also feel like I have to be a part of something that is in control. I am trying to learn how to sit back and enjoy. Saturday night was absolutely 100% better than I thought it would be.

Friday night was also amazing. Some of my friends came over and we went swimming at camp. Actually, they both work at camp, and one of them lives there. The other was actually working this weekend. So basically....I have no friends. I rode the waterslide naked...again. Good fun.

I hate Campus Crusade for Christ of NC State University. They have some wicked nice hotties, but they're dumb as hell. I swear if one more person tries to save my soul, I am going to castrate them.

I am listening to Face To Face. I miss the days before punk died. Being 11 years old, riding without a seat belt, learning to swear and practicing it on drive thrus, fighting, and winning.

Bring back the bassline.

As I sit here is Creedy McFlow's office, I am slightly disappointed by the lack of flare to entertain me on his desk. Perhaps he is just a simple man that only needs a black man on a Jesus piggy bank, a jumbo pen, an old phone, some office supplies, and a model care to get by. I am different. I would need much more. I would need a box fan to blow smoke out the window, a book with a hole cut out for a .357 (perhaps an encyclopedia set for my shotgun), some pictures of girls in bikini's (bikini's optional), some fruit roll ups, stationary safe for libation to help give edge to the drone of the workday, and a cyanide pill for those really long hours.

I find it hard to be in one place for an extended period of time. This does not relate to how I feel about North Carolina, which is of course the best damn state in the whole world ever! Sitting in a room, or driving too long, or having to speak with people that I am not fond of causes me to become ansty and anxious and I find that removing my person from that state of being. This causes questions to arise such as "what's wrong?" or "why are you just leaving?" or "what did i/we do?". It seems funny to me that there is so much concern over nothing, when if one leaves the church for any reason or doesn't show up for a few weeks there is no effort to restore the bond. In my experience, I have seen it simply turn into accusations that the person that left had some warfare, or was off sinning, or not keeping the faith, but surely God will bring them back. This enables people to sit back on their asses and let "God" do the work. I got fidgety with the church, and I left. I never got a question from anyone.

My thoughts are a little cloudy today, as I have a lot on my mind with the possible mishaps that could occur within the coming week. I will surely die a lonely old man. However, tonight I will be in the company of dear friends and hopefully that will take some of the stress away. Also, I should have quite an interesting post this weekend, as Campus Crusade from NC State will be renting our facilities at camp. Although I am an employee of Camp Dixie, and I am bound by honor to my father to keep my mouth shut, I am sure to over hear some interesting conversations. KIT LYLAS!!!

Hokay.

Somehow I have found myself, at this very moment, in front of a television watching TRL. LL Cool J is talking about hiphop. He said something that I find extremely blunt and intelligent. When asked where he believes hip hop is going he answered with something like this: Radio stations are only playing songs that appeal to 13 and 14 year olds such as Lil Wayne and most "I'm awesome" gangster rap. People that are 25 and older enjoy more hip hop instead of the rap that younger people enjoy, but radio stations don't play that. He then said that he will keep trying to relate and appeal to a more mature audience because he can't act like he's 14 years old for the rest of his life.
This really relates to how I feel about hip hop music. I really enjoy solid lyrics and beats, however I find the music of most popular artists to be completely juvenile. Go Cool.

I recently suffered through about half of a campus ministry service called "Monday Night Bible Study." The name is not misleading. It is a bible study. However, it is what is done after study of the bible that makes or breaks what I think of you. I was very turned off by the way that they require the group to stand while reading the biblical text of choice. While I will not tear into their rituals, I will discuss from my own experience, how they apply the text that they study.

I study biblical text for my own knowledge and understanding, and do not apply what I learn what my personal life, nor do I enforce whatever ideals I form onto others. The fact that I was asked to stand while they read, after I chose to stay seated, was complete bullshit and quite possibly the most Christian thing that they could do with that decision. Had the bible study been completely ecumenical, they would perhaps understand that the text is not a divinely inerrant nor infallible piece of literature. It does not take long when studying biblical text to see the imperfections and historical fallacies within dates, translations, and canons (which I think are completely...fill in the blank). In there study, there is a consideration of context, however they still chose to interpret the text literally.

This ignorance is an overwhelming force on me. I used to fight for the salvation of a faith that I knew and had experienced all of my life. The ominous cloud of Christianity and the taint is has become looms over my every move and breath. I am, however, resilient. My goal will be to bring this regime to its dirty, whorish knees. This is not to say that all Christians are bad people, and that not all Christians "get it." For those people, I will be thankful for and doing whatever I can to help them. Helping them, by doing what I am good at, is chopping the kneecaps of the dark bullshit majority of the Christian faith.

I will continue my sojourn into campus ministry here at Campbell University, and I will continue to pick them apart and take them out of their comfortable places until their feelings of displacement cause them to use their brains for more than the glory of God.

I am going to be starting my Christmas list soon. Please sign your name next to the gift that you will be giving me. You probably owe me anyway.

The myspace account that I was using for my music has mysteriously disappeared. I have created a new one at this location. There is a song called "Ornamentals" on this site. I wrote it last week after hearing about the passing of a great man that I spent quite a lot of time with. I have lost many people in my life to death. Each instance has been its own, but there a similarities in some stories that I put together in this song. As my music is an expression of experiences that I have had, this song is quite graphic and may not be what some people need to hear right now. I will not take offense if some people don't want to hear that song.

Time to smoke.

Bye.

Oh I smoke em'!!

One big "I'm kind of sorry" for whoever reads this. I haven't posted any blasphemy filled swearing or odd musical sojourns in quite a while. I will give a quick update. I have experienced a rolling restart into my college life. I am back at Campbell and trying things a bit differently. My perspective on what I study has switched to a strictly academic style. I am reading constantly and have found that I have time for only a few luxuries. One of these few vices is the smoking of cigars. I am actually in the process of converting an old lunchbox into a nice, little travel humidor. I am stripping the cedar out of some old cigar boxes and lining the walls of the box with it. Cool project I guess. Not that I would really turn down anything, but if anyone happens to have any San Christobals that they loathe, I would be more than happy to accept them into my collection, and proceed to smoke the shit out of them.

Hopefully if I find a bit more time, I will start to post here more.